I’m still waiting for the first time that a meme has made it into my head that I’m the butt, so to speak.
I have always been the butt for most of my life, so that was the first meme I ever heard about the word, which was a very funny joke.
The joke went something like this: “A woman has an abortion and wants to have a baby.”
“But if you had one, wouldn’t you be the first to be in the hospital?”
“Uh huh,” she replied.
“Why would I be the one to be the baby?”
“Because that’s how it goes.”
I got to be there for that one joke.
That was the one that first made me feel like I had a leg up on the people around me, because I knew that my mom would be there with me.
I had the same reaction for all of the other ones, too.
I thought they were funny, but I knew they were just the jokes of my friends.
The only time I didn’t feel like a bit of a douchebag was when I went to my first abortion clinic.
I had always wanted to have kids, but it was hard to find a doctor willing to help me.
It was a weird experience.
It was a big, big pain in the ass.
But I also wanted to be able to make it happen.
I didn`t have a choice.
It was hard.
I think that was my main thing: I wanted to do it, but the process was really hard, and I was scared of the process.
It wasn`t like I was going to go to jail, but there was a lot of fear.
I was afraid of how I was gonna look.
For the first year, I was very uncomfortable with having an abortion.
I couldn`t believe that I could be pregnant and have an abortion, but my doctor told me I was perfectly safe.
My first abortion was scheduled for March 19, 1995, so I had to wait until the next day.
The first time I went in there, it was a little bit different than my last one.
I knew it was going have to be a long, slow process, so my mother came with me, and we sat in the waiting room.
We talked and cried and we talked about it for maybe a few minutes.
My mom was there with us.
She kept saying, `I`m not the type to get upset over anything.
I know this is what happens when you`re pregnant, but please don`t worry.
But it was so stressful, I couldn’t breathe.
I cried all day.
My mom and I went out and waited, and after an hour or so, I said, `Mom, I`m going to give it my all.
I want you to know, it`s not a big deal.
I`ll get pregnant and I`ve done it before.
It`s just gonna be another pregnancy.
I am okay with it.`I said,`No, you`ll be fine.
I just want you and your mom to know that I`am going to do everything I can.
I have nothing to be ashamed of.`And then I just cried and I cried and cried.
That night, my mom woke me up and said, `I want you two to go get the ultrasound.
You know what`s gonna happen.’
I said to her, `No, I don`m pregnant.
You`re just gonna go in there and watch.’
It`s funny, because she was so upset, she just left.
Later that day, she told me, ‘I`ve been in there a thousand times.
You just can`t watch me go in.
I don’t even want to hear what`ll happen next.
You have to leave.’
I was so scared, because when I saw her in the next room, she was still crying.
At that point, I knew I was just going to have to wait.
But it`d be a little scary.
I mean, I have a pretty good memory.
On the day I went, I just had the ultrasound and saw that there was no heartbeat.
So I took my mother`s hand and I held it and I tried to hold it.
She just kept holding it.
Then, I had this feeling that I had something wrong.
I tried not to feel that.
I sat in my chair and I thought, `This is not what I want to happen.
What am I supposed to do?
I don´t want to be pregnant.’
So I just went back to the waiting area.
And then I felt like, `What the hell?
What is this?
I`d have to get the doctor to come in, because he`s the doctor.
He`ll know what I`re going through.